Is It Daytime? Are You Near A Pool? Is Anyone Wearing A White Bikini?

Hey Dan, Your Pretty Girl May Be On Fire Or Something

Still Great, Still Perfect For Nighttime On Water

Hawaii, It Don't Suck

7th Avenue Film Series # 2-8

Videos Don't Awesome Themselves

For The First American Woman In Space

7th Avenue Film Series # 2-7

Video Telephone (Is Such A Good Idea!)

I Wish This Was More Like Warriors

Need Something To Listen To While Wearing A Suit?

Play It Like A Plumber In A Leotard

A Love Letter from Autumn To Summer

This Is Why One Should Always Keep A Couple Of Googly Eyes In One's Pocket

Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been A Member Of The Société Des Flâneurs?

You Can Tell By Looking At Him

Thank You For Being A Superfriend

Imagine If The Overlook Hotel Was Haunted By Best Men From Weddings Held There

The .Gif Quest Of Unknown Kadath

7th Avenue Film Series # 2-6

You're Edward Kelley, She's Madimi

A Conversation Between Myself And Two Small Children At A Fourth Of July BBQ

Small Child # 1: "What are you drinking?"

Me: "Campari and Orange Juice."

Small Child # 1: "Is Campari alcohol?"

Me: "It is; it's a kind of Italian bitters."

Small Child # 1: "Is the orange juice because it tastes bad without it?"

Me: "I wouldn't say bad, but it's kind of bitter and the orange juice is kinda sweet, and it's, like a lot of things, kind of an acquired taste, so."

Small Child # 2: "My dad eats bad dreams!"

Me: "Your dad eats bad dreams? what is he, some kind of psychic vampire? that's terrifying."

Small Child # 2: "He eats bad dreams and then he eats alcohol!"

Small Child # 1: "You can't eat alcohol, not unless you freeze it or something."

Me: "Or make it into jello, I guess."

Small Child # 1: "And anyway, nobody drinks just alcohol."

Me: "Sure they do. I do."

Small Child # 1: "But I heard alcohol is poison."

Me: "Well, yeah, it is. That's sorta how it works, actually."

Small Child # 1 (with incredulous look on his face): "So it's a poison? That makes you feel happy."

Me: " . . . That's . . . well, actually that's exactly what it is, yes."

Small Child # 2: "My dad eats bad dreams and alcohol and then he turns it into jello and puts it in his hair and then he eats his hair!"

Me: "Your dad may have an eating disorder called 'Pica'"

Small Child # 2: "And he's SO STINKY!!"

Me: "It's hardly surprising, considering his diet."

Watermelon Disappointment Sounds Like A Progrock Band

Grocery Store - Interior - Day - The Fourth of July

Cashier: "Picking up a watermelon for the big BBQ, huh?"

Me: "Yup. I hope it turns out to be a good one. I don't really know what I'm doing, picking out watermelons; I just sort of slap them and listen to the sound for some reason. I don't even know what I'm listening for."

Cashier: "Looks like a good one to me!"

Me: "So watermelons come from the Sahara Desert. They grew naturally around oases, buried in the sand. Arab traders used to gather them up and load their saddle bags up with them to take across the desert. Isn't that wonderful?"

Cashier: "Noooooooo, it isn't!"

Realize Some Things All Over Again

In Which Florence And The Machine Instagram Their Way From Los Angeles To Las Vegas To New Orleans And All Is Delightful

Though The Video Won't Tell You So, This Is The Greatest Ever Song To Accompany Floating Down A River At Night In An Innertube