Small Child # 1: "What are you drinking?"
Me: "Campari and Orange Juice."
Small Child # 1: "Is Campari alcohol?"
Me: "It is; it's a kind of Italian bitters."
Small Child # 1: "Is the orange juice because it tastes bad without it?"
Me: "I wouldn't say bad, but it's kind of bitter and the orange juice is kinda sweet, and it's, like a lot of things, kind of an acquired taste, so."
Small Child # 2: "My dad eats bad dreams!"
Me: "Your dad eats bad dreams? what is he, some kind of psychic vampire? that's terrifying."
Small Child # 2: "He eats bad dreams and then he eats alcohol!"
Small Child # 1: "You can't eat alcohol, not unless you freeze it or something."
Me: "Or make it into jello, I guess."
Small Child # 1: "And anyway, nobody drinks just alcohol."
Me: "Sure they do. I do."
Small Child # 1: "But I heard alcohol is poison."
Me: "Well, yeah, it is. That's sorta how it works, actually."
Small Child # 1 (with incredulous look on his face): "So it's a poison? That makes you feel happy."
Me: " . . . That's . . . well, actually that's exactly what it is, yes."
Small Child # 2: "My dad eats bad dreams and alcohol and then he turns it into jello and puts it in his hair and then he eats his hair!"
Me: "Your dad may have an eating disorder called 'Pica'"
Small Child # 2: "And he's SO STINKY!!"
Me: "It's hardly surprising, considering his diet."